i just found this song-at random by keri hilson it's called energy. and it explains exactly what i'm going through with now. lucky me.
i don't want to jinx myself by saying that i'm getting over paul. but i had an epiphany the other day. and i saw our relationship at a whole new perspective. that maybe he really does just see me as a friend who he loves and cares about and the benefits part, and there's no future anything to it. but he can't keep telling me he loves me and would be with me if he didn't have april and then puttin on this 'true love' show with her. so i'm gonna have to cut it out by just being his friend-like he claims to everyone we are. not the friends with benefits or w/e. i'm just gonna keep my cool watch what i say and we'll see how it goes
don't know if i've even gotten around to mentioning that i kinda like charles. haha. he told me he got nervous the other day when i saw him. it was cute.
and my stupidass ugly boyfriend is probably cheating on me but i don't care. i don't even care to find out lol
do you ever have a day when all you want to do is imagine yourself dead? and in the pouring rain you can imagine a car accident and that's the end of you. i have those days, more frequently now. i don't feel alive anymore but i'm not going back to old tactics. i haven't wrote about anamia in a while, and update on that i havent been weighing myself but i'm down to a size 2. when my sophmore year i was an 8. it still amazes me. it's kinda weird that no one knows that i still do this i've got my boyfriend, paul, my best friend, everyone fooled. there are a few people who know about it, but i don't know. i need to start going to the gym again on a reg. basis. i'm just going to focus on that now...really i need to. it's ALL i can control right now. i'm scared for the future man... i'm like really eager to start school but at the same time i'm picturing my life in college and all that...so much is going to change this upcoming year. i can feel it, i'm not typically one for change so it's going to be tough.
9:10 a.m. - 2008-08-07
Recent entries:
Lose another day here, lose another year here... - 2013-04-19
and that's just how I feel - 2012-11-02
- - 2012-05-16
the truth is in the unknown. - 2012-05-08
FAQs - 2012-02-09
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