today i realized how many 'friends' i lost when i saw my old group at chilis, and april was sitting with them. i miss her, honestly i miss all of my friends.
it's funny how i imagined this picture perfect life that would come with all the weight i kept losing and now that i'm satisfied with my weight, my overall life is not so bliss. i'm sad to say i was happier with my friends when i was fat than i am now.
i've just drifted away from so much. i feel like i focus on things that don't focus on me. like paul for example, i mean. so many people are going to want to slap across the face with a stupid sign...but before he left for college i bought him a digital camera+a 2g memmory card and a 2400watt amp for the system i bought his car. AND WHAT HAVE I GOT FOR THAT? welll, i lost april as a friend forever-tess as well. so many people disrespect me now for 'ruining' their relationship. i guess i can just hope this coming year i'm smarter with my decisions-but that never happens...
ANYWAY.
i havent heard from charles in like two days :[ i cant wait til he gets back so we can FINALLY go watch pineapple express...
i just checked some of my myspace messages and i had read one that i missed and it was a reply to a survey where i answered the question
"will you kiss the person you like in the next week?"
and i put "idk it depends on if i see him"
and he replied "wonder who that lucky guy will be :]"
who knows..man...he's really nice.
and john-well he's still my boyfriend that i am not talkin to and have not had a real relationship with. but he has the title of being my boyfriend.
anyway we're about to break up soon i think. i don't know.
you think that now that paul has left things would be easier, but it's just that much harder.
everything seems to be harder anyway.
10:10 p.m. - 2008-08-12
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