Sneak up on you really quiet
Whisper "Am I what your heart desires?"
I could be your ingenue.
Keep you safe and inspired.
Baby, let your fantasies unwind.
We can do what you wanna do.
Man Lana Del Rey makes me wanna get back into my real writings.
1:17 a.m. - 2013-10-11
End of Allen's Chapter.
You remember the look in my eyes, when you told me that this was goodbye. I was begging you not tonight, not here. Not now. We're looking up at the same night sky. Keep pretending the sun will not rise. We'll be together for one more night somewhere, somehow.
Such an old song, it makes me sulk with nostalgia but oh so grateful for every memory I have with Allen.
We had much more than just one more night..
And we had our final time earlier this year.
He ended three years off and on in the most flawless way. I could never hate him. A perfect valentine and the end of a beautiful childlike love.
I wholeheartedly know I lost the one.
I am a stereotype of losing the one that got away. Words cannot even describe the relationship I lost.
It was poignantly, poetically my most coveted dream come true.
And I am thankful I was given the privilege of being close to such a beautiful person.
He gives me hope for this world.
& that will always remain the piece of him I keep.
It has taken more than time to accept this defeat, but I see the beauty in life now as he always has.
As much as I wish we could continue our "friendship" (talking on the phone, etc, nothing sexual) as we did when we would see other people I know what both of us made of keeping that bond.
You know you can't give me what I need,
and even though you mean so much to me I can't wait through everything. Is this really happening? I swear I'll never be happy again and don't you dare say we can just be friends! I'm not some boy that you can sway, we knew it'd happen eventually
1:08 a.m. - 2013-10-08
I'd rather me a lover than be a raging bull.
I'd rather be a lover than be a raging bull.
I need to do some heavy introspective thinking before I make any rash decisions...
12:37 a.m. - 2013-10-08
I'm so lost.
I'm barely here.
I wish I could explain myself but words escape me.
Stockholm Syndrome
is exactly how I'm feeling and I don't know what exactly to make of it...
There are just so many factors...
I could get worse and spiral backwards
I could spiral backwards.
I could get worse.
I could let my dark overtake me.
forsake me.
and awaken me.
I am so lost.
10:36 p.m. - 2013-10-01
Oh mysterious door of mine...
that has only been pried open.
Will you unleash?
Or will you cower and find shelter?
Is it the trembling anticipation of failure, the taste of embarrassment, or fear of absolute release of exotic madness?
The thought of these violent endeavors captivates me with raw sensation and I tingle with excitement. Every time it passes through my mind.
What is there to lose?
My bright has always been nothing less than equal of my dark... And I think it's time I indulge in my masochism in the healthiest way I can.
I guess in the end, the only fear I have is that of myself.
2:48 a.m. - 2013-09-26
Recent entries:
Serial Killer - 2013-10-11
It goes to show I hope that you know that you are what my dreams are made of - 2013-10-08
Inquisitively lost - 2013-10-08
Like violence, - 2013-10-01
Pandora's Box - 2013-09-26
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