it's like this unignorable tightness in your upper throat and you can't breathe at all. so your eyes start to water and your nose gets stuffy. and you're just trying to make it stop and go away. by slightly wiping your tears and hiding your face.
over and over again i'm just asking myself was anything i put myself through actually worth it?
i can't live down the fact that i gave everything to someone who gave me nothing in return; to someone who never had anything to give in the first place.
how does he go from these exact words
"could you see yourself living with me and/or married to me? i'm asking could you see yourself MARRIED to me? Being Mrs. Anna Marie Ellis?"
to
"i love you but i don't feel love for you as anything more than a friend. and yes you should give up trying to be with me because i don't want you waiting for me when you could be moving on with life"
what significant even took place that he didn't tell me about that just swerved his intentions with me.
This is one ugly feeling.
1/10/09:
Went to crystal's (ashly's sister) party for her birthday and brought my sister. I had sex with nic, of course. and got a few phone numbers on the side. I don't like nic, I don't like anyone. I just need the presence of a man in my life when Paul isn't willing to be there. And they are my unimportant temps. We didn't go home until 6:30 that night and I'm surprised I could drive.
4:02 p.m. - 2009-01-12
Recent entries:
Lose another day here, lose another year here... - 2013-04-19
and that's just how I feel - 2012-11-02
- - 2012-05-16
the truth is in the unknown. - 2012-05-08
FAQs - 2012-02-09
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