so i made my appointment with the abortion clinic for next saturday. i still haven't told paul yet.
i thought this would be easy and i would be so sure but i look around everywhere i go and just think what if. it's like seeing through a totally different 'mommy to be or not to be' point of view. i don't know if i can go through with it i mean it'll be hard having a baby but everything is hard. and maybe i'll get through
but ive never been one to stick it out anyway.
i'm just so afraid i guess. hopefully carrie can stay the night tonight so we can talk about it. i dont know when or how i'm going to tell paul but it'll probably be by this weekend.
i kinda want to write a day by day journal in case i do have this baby and even if i don't it'll still be like a reminder. you know, its just different like i feel attached to it already almost like a bond. i didn't think it was possible for me to care but i really do. i mean just imagine how excited i'd feel if i knew if it were a boy/girl or any of that. which is what i'm looking foward to, but i mean I HAVENT DECIDED YET.
it's just so wishy washy it could go either way. many people say they regret abortion so much and then there are some that say they dont but they wouldnt do it again.
...i think i feel pregnant more now that i know haha. i think i'm making myself moody and stuff just to do it. hah im weird.
9:23 p.m. - 2008-09-04
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