being on myspace just makes me hate bay city and the things i've done throughout high school..
maybe if i wouldn't have lied to so many people or maybe if i wouldn't have screwed so many people over i wouldn't be in this situation..
i need a fresh start, a new place or something but it's all too late for that.
i'm sick and exhausted from trying to throw up with a strained neck. except the strained neck IS from throwing up. what a concept.
yesterday man...
woke up at like 2 almost, looked like shit. "ate", took a shower. threw on a t-shirt and stuff. then sat around until about 5ish and
John called and said he wanted to come over so i straightened my hair, covered up my puffy red allergy eyes with makeup and shaved within like 10 minutes tops.
being with him makes me happy sometimes, it felt so movie like with us yesterday. because i bought this ringtone by heidi something it's called "johnny and june" and i set it for John when he calls and I told him I wanted to play a song that reminds me of him [plus john loves johnny cash]anyway he called my phone to test it and it was playing and on the tv it just turned 7pm and "WALK THE LINE" started showing. Hah, it was neat. He flipped out but in a cute way.
except for that one time he tested my ringtones,i left my cell phone in the backroom while he was here and it kept ringing and in the back of my head i KNEW it was paul. then my sister brought my phone and i was right. it was him, and to my own surprise i turned my phone OFF. hah.
i guess by doing that it somehow gave me power over him. or i felt like i didn't need him. I felt like John was what I wanted. And he's TONED! up sooo much, all thanks to me so I realllly want things to speed up with this whole "starting over" thing so we can just be together already..ugh.
ANYWAY, once John left I checked my phone and of course text Paul back.
I don't know why I lie to myself and pretend to let go when I know I'm not ever going to do that until HE forces me to.
I don't know, I hope things at the gym don't change tomorrow. ANOTHER REASON I FUCKING HATE BAY CITY! He text me saying that someone was asking about april and then they brought me up and how they heard about us being at the gym and stuff and assume that we're fucking. WHICH we are but why is that anyone's damn business. we're out of school i wish everyone's nosy ass would leave it alone, they don't understand it at all.
hmm. he told me he doesn't care if we're being watched at the gym, that nothing will change but I'm not going to hold my breath on that one, if it doesn't change I can't say I won't be extremely surprised.
Mannn, a month and 4 days til my birthday :)
SOMEBODY IS GOING TO TAKE ME OUT. damnit.
7:04 p.m. - 2008-07-01
Recent entries:
Lose another day here, lose another year here... - 2013-04-19
and that's just how I feel - 2012-11-02
- - 2012-05-16
the truth is in the unknown. - 2012-05-08
FAQs - 2012-02-09
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