"I don't understand how he can leave me feeling so helpless, so confused. And not give an ounce of certainty or reflection or even let me know where i really stand in his life"

Should be answered I guess.
he called.
and for the first time ever, I told him I hated him.
And he said he knew, he sees it in all my tweets haha. and because I don't call anymore or talk to him on any social network..
He gave me an OUNCE of certainty, and a lot of reflection.

which is what I needed I guess..
i've finally got a distraction.